gathering up myself for a brighter future
been a long time since ive last blogged... im not gonna do any updates jus wanna express how im feeling now...
hais... its been a rollercooster ride ever since i was born... i dnt knw wats up with me... i get so sensitive easily...
its very true that friends play a big role in one's life... from the current stats im in now i feel lonely and friendless... i knw there are friends out there that care for me but its only when they hear of it that they would come to the rescue. im quite sure i blogged about being lonely and friendless before but this entry would surely be a much matured version of me.
well... hav anyone even been through times when ur the last to get invited to a party or like getting informations? well... if u do you would knw how i feel... jus the other day i was hanging out with my friends i was jus sitting at a corner feeling rather left out and i overheard that there was a party going on... everyone seems to knw it except me... do u knw how that feels? the worst part of it is that im not invited... well even if i was at the last min do u think i would go? yes i knw im sensitive to small details but wat im trying to bring across is the bond that i hav with friends.
mama g (manager) once told me that its my character that caused me all these probs... she said that i was very self centered and stuffs... which is true... and i wanna change... i dnt wanna feel paraniod over things from the past... i hav to move on and find myself... its really tough as im really protective of myself. sometimes i feel like im obliged to treat ppl nice and stuffs but i wanna do it from my heart i dnt wanna be fake its time that i humble myself so that i can give myself a chance and to my friends who i hav hurt before. i dnt wanna feel friendless anymore...
im going through a period of time that i must change if not i will kill myself sooner or later... however, everytime i meet someone who i can relate to it wouldnt take long before i loose that friend... and its not very easy to find someone you can relate to. everytime someone i can relate to leaves me i feel empty and sad... im not that kind of person that has alot of close friends i hav only a smal group of friends who i can talk to and share... but these ppl leave me one by one... its sad... as i might be good in my goals and stuffs but in human relations im a gone case... so wats the point when everyday after u come back from sch or work and feeling empty? and thats how i feel all the time... theres nothing for me to anticipate when i get home. its like i might as well work all my life as that keeps me satisfied. the feeling of going home empty is not fulfilling. hais.... i wan a soul mate...
i hope i get my grounding soon...
